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Sex Abuse in Marriage: When lines get crossed

This part of sex addiction literally makes me come UNDONE. I've heard too many stories, talked to too many women, read too many experiences. . .sex abuse happens in marriages. A lot.

Remember when Jesus got so angry by the desecration of the temple that He overthrew tables? This is exactly how I feel when it comes to this topic. YOU, SWEET DAUGHTER OF GOD, are God's temple. Your husband's sexual abuse is DESECRATING His temple. And I recognize it for what it is (abuse) and am doing my best to overthrow the tables on your behalf. I am here, advocating for you. You are seen and heard.

There is no way I can fully address the many complexities of this topic alone in one little blog post. There is quite a spectrum of abuse. Abuse can be overt (such as wife rape) or covert (such as coercion, manipulation, guilt-tripping, pouting when spouse doesn't get his way, grooming, etc.)

The best thing I can do is the following:

  1. Educate. You need to education to know if you are being sexually abused. It isn't always obvious. Head to right now for specific articles related to sex addiction and abuse. This site also offers counseling and online support groups where you can get the help you need.

  2. To understand abuse, read anything by Lundy Bancroft. Sarah McDougal also offers amazing insight to what you are experiencing and offers solid coaching to help you navigate how to establish safety and how to recognize abuse.

  3. Equip: After you gain education on exactly what you are dealing with, you need tools to know how and what to do about it. You need to create safety, and we do that through boundaries. Misty's book, RISE, can guide you through that, as well as

  4. Safety FIRST. Your SAFETY is number one priority. Consider what you need to do to establish safety. Get legal help if necessary.

  5. Support. Find a good support system to walk you through this. Counselors and betrayal trauma recovery groups are a great place to start. offers amazing support. You do not have to face this alone.

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