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Why Porn Sex is Anti-Sex

Updated: Jan 29, 2021


Many people think that viewing porn is all about sex. But what if I told you that porn is AGAINST sex. It is ANTI-sex. Let me explain.


Sadly, society has completely changed what most view as a sexual encounter, and it has corrupted and muddled our thinking of what healthy sex really is.

When you dig deeper and look at sex through God's eyes, you will begin to view sex differently. More holistically. "Lovemaking" or "authentic sexual intimacy" is a much more accurate word to describe His view of a sexual encounter. (I discuss how to reclaim our sexuality as God intended in much greater detail in my book Rise: A Guide to Climbing Out of Betrayal Trauma.)


Sex addiction, such as porn, "dirtifies" the marriage bed so badly, that many women feel they can never truly recover in this area of their lives. My husband's sex addiction greatly affected my sexuality. So much so, I thought I was a lost case. I had such terrible PTSD, dissociation, horrible body image, and shame for being a woman, I thought I'd never again enjoy this God-created form of worship. Let me offer hope. I spent months if not years seeking healing. While I am still a work in progress, I've seen growth. I am living out that yes, you can reclaim your sexuality after betrayal.


Let's revisit why you are so broken in this area of your life. Trauma and abuse. You have been a victim of lies, abuse, and rejection. Allow me to speak truth into your heart. Your husband's porn use, that emotional affair he had, the online chat rooms he visited...it was never about you and wasn't even about sex. Wait, what? It wasn't about sex? Not when you view it through God's lens. I know that sounds like the strangest and most absurd statement, but in reality, sexual addiction is about an abuse escape. The escape is from deep wells of pain, trauma, shame, fear, etc., but unfortunately, rather than seeking healthy ways of dealing with it, they turn to abusive tactics. Sex addiction isn't a marriage problem, is is a person problem. It is HIS problem.


Like I said, it's not about you.

But it sure doesn't feel that way, does it? I know. While we accept it is his issue, not yours, it has left you feeling like damaged goods. You are left dealing with the ugly aftermath.

Sister, here me out: you are enough. You don't have to prove it, you don't have to explain or defend it, you don't have to be skinnier or have perkier boobs. Just as you are, even in your current betrayed, heap-of-a-mess version of who you want to be, YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. Just as you are, with stretch marks, laugh lines, and 15 extra pounds...YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. That is how God views you. That is how He views your body. That is how He views your character. When you are a child of God, you are seen as holy, righteous, and perfect...just as you are! It's time for you to start believing this about yourself.


It's a battle. But keep fighting. Keep working. Keep putting on the armor of God. Keep yelling at Satan to kiss your droopy, dimpled butt goodbye, because YOU ARE GORGEOUS!


Porn sex may "look" like sex, and the women may "look" perfect, just as velveeta looks like cheese. But when you study the ingredients of what REAL SEX is, and is not, you realize that PORN SEX IS JUST A CHEAP IMITATION. Fake. Toxic. Harmful. abusive. GOD'S VERSION OF SEX is holy, healing, authentic, safe, mutual, caring, respectful, and intimate.

One of my favorite visual aids is taken from the website www.healthysex.com. Below is a poster they created to further validate my point. It will drive in that porn sex is ANTI sex. It is AGAINST God-designed-sex.



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